Monday June 17th the Church gave us an excerpt from Jesus’ Sermon on the Mount:
“You have heard that it was said, ‘An eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth.’ But I say to you, offer no resistance to one who is evil. When someone strikes you on your right cheek, turn the other one to him as well.” (Matthew 5: 38-39)
This teaching is so foreign to our human nature that even as I read it I can feel my body tensing up. A part of me immediately rejects the counter intuitive logic of this command. Does this mean we should tolerate abuse? Must I become a doormat? No, this verse is not suggesting that we should abandon boundaries and allow ourselves to be mistreated.
We are all made in the image and likeness of God and therefore our lives are precious and valuable. Abuse, either physical or emotional, is an injustice that robs us of our inherent dignity. God is a loving Father who wants us to be safe, secure, and loved. This verse is not instructing us to tolerate abuse; instead, it is teaching us to avoid retaliation in our wounded relationships. This radical teaching is inherently connected to the mystery of Redemption. Through the Cross Jesus teaches us that the only way to overcome and transcend evil is through forgiveness and love; not retaliation.
With God’s grace, if we begin to live this spiritual truth in our daily lives, many of our wounded relationships can be redeemed. Relationships that we thought were hopeless and dead - can be made new. To unleash the healing power of this teaching we need to apply it practically in the moment.
Here are seven steps that I coach women to take when they are in a dialogue that becomes combative:
- Immediately take a breath and call upon the Holy Spirit. Pray for God’s presence and wisdom. Pray for the grace to help you resist the temptation to retaliate.
- Ensure that you are safe and set necessary boundaries. Simultaneously, try to avoid hardening your heart; try to remain vulnerable and lead with an open heart. Remember that love heals all things.
- Discern what needs to be said and when to say it. In the heat of the moment, lean into the power of silence.
- Pray for the theological virtue of Hope in order to avoid falling into despair or becoming overwhelmed, which so often leads to retaliation. Avoid the temptation to disassociate, stay firmly rooted in the present moment, but keep your eyes on eternity. Trust in God’s providence and His capacity to heal all things.
- Don’t waste this suffering; encounter Jesus and unite your pain to His so that it can open up a channel of redemptive grace.
- Retreat to a safe place, pray, and regulate your emotions.
- When appropriate, circle back to work on repair and forgiveness.